The wholesome, lonely 5th of March 2009
If she was still here, it would've been her 48th birthday. Its been so long ago ive seen her but she always feels alive in my head, heart and soul.
This day was the day i had everything to do in school. This day i had to do everything at home. I felt quite miserable actually without showing it to anyone because i dont want anyone to ask why. I wished i had the time to cry but things are just sad.
I kiss her picture everyday when i get home to symbolize that i still think about her, i still have love for her and i still need her alot. I always kiss her picture to make me feel happier inside but to know that i would never get kissed back by her again.
Today was different. I kissed her picture and said "Happy birthday :D" while smiling at her lovely picture. Missing the times i hugged her and kissing her cheek whenever i want. Remembering all the times she was mad at me but reconcile afterwards will never come back again, yet i havent become a college graduate yet.
Crying sometimes makes misery feel better, but for this case it wont matter a thing. Sure i got a dad, i love my dad alot. But he's always far away from home and i always have to do school stuffs which makes it harder to swallow. Im not that rich whatever people thinks about me.
I still can remember her last laugh, her last smile, her last kiss and her last breath in my head flashing away like a bullet went by inside of my skull exiting in the back of my head bringing drops of blood along the way.
I can't believe i could got through all of this. No complete parents celebrating my birthday or at new years eve has been way much different. All i can say now is happy birthday and wish you all the best.
